The word that is very complex

By Simon Wright (Personal column)

NOTE: No harm intended towards anyone, this is an honest opinion from myself in which I share my experiences and feelings on the subject.

AS I was finishing off my glass of wine on the balcony of the apartment I stayed on my recent Fuerteventura holiday two nights ago, I began to think of a word that brings a lot of joy, but also can create massive heartbreak and plenty of problems; love.

     What is love?  It’s a very strong word which can be used in a variety of ways.  When this word is used in any given sentence, the words for me that sum it up are desperation, affection, feeling and closeness.  Why do I think these words?

Desperation – Sometimes, people just want to love someone, no matter what, which will inevitably lead to desperate measures.

Affection – In a loving relationship, it is important to show affectionate ways of love, and no, that does not mean regular use of the bedroom!

Feeling – An obvious word; when you love someone/something, there must be some kind of feeling behind it, otherwise, it isn’t true.

Closeness – The help from friends and family can never be forgotten, especially when you get rejected or are going through a tough breakup. 

For me, I always have a loving family and plenty of close, loving, caring and supporting friends who always stick by me, despite being at time, an absolute nightmare.  Those who know me can vouch me for that!

    I’m even known as a relationship expert, though that’s a tag that I’ve pretty much adopted.  I’m there for a lot of people and have offered a lot of impartial advice down the years to plenty of people, even if that opinion can sometimes be quite damming.  So, what about my love life in relationship terms?

     Well, it’s non-existent and I’m afraid, it always has been.  Does it frustrate me?  Yes, of course it does.  Being single is no fun; I’m not going to lie.  It was when I was 16, 17, even 18 years old, but it isn’t now.  If you say to me; ‘I want to be single for the rest of my life,’ then you are more than likely to receive a slap round the back of the head with a wet fish rather than any decent advice, because you’d deserve it! 

     However, am I desperate to find someone?  No, absolutely not.  If I was desperate, I’d be on a dating website by now and that’s something I haven’t contemplated and don’t plan to either.  If something develops and happens, it happens and of course, all good if so.  Relationships do come with plenty of complications.  I believe that many given friendships can attract total opposites.  Look at me, I don’t drink excessively, despise heavy metal, love Formula One, don’t smoke, hate horror movies and would be a nightmare at any given international cuisine restaurant!  So, I’m very different to many people I know.  In a proper, full-blown relationship, it is very difficult to be completely opposites.  The hobbies and interests two people have can make things very complex.  Let’s be honest, we know the turn ons and turn offs in a relationship.  Romantic meals, regular trips to the movies and social drinks out are the way to go, whereas playing video games excessively, doing DIY in your spare time and watching football 24/7 are so dire – you’d be left behind in the 20^th century!  At the end of the day, there’s no contest between choosing a romantic movie at the cinema with your girlfriend to watching Bayern Munich v Borussia Dortmund at 11pm on a midweek evening on ESPN!  And if you choose the latter option, you deserve to be dumped and get a life!

     I’m no stranger to love heartbreak, it has happened to me twice.  The last time was pretty recent, last Christmas in fact.  I expressed my feelings to someone I know pretty well, but it didn’t work out the same way and frankly, I honestly don’t think there was a chance of that happening.  I moved on pretty quickly from this disappointment and that was a real help from the experience that did leave me totally traumatised in the summer of 2008.  I fell for another girl who I’d met on my course at Milton Keynes College.  I really liked her and had never felt like this for anyone before.  Yes, there had been very brief school crushes, but everyone’s had them, I was mad about her.  I generally felt that she felt the same way, but she wasn’t ready for anything at the time.  Fine, I wasn’t bothered about that; there’s no point pressuring girls or talking them into bed, because the following morning, there are bound to be plenty of regrets.  What upset me was that this girl went on to date another guy she met on the internet, clearly having not met him before and she didn’t have the decency to tell me.  I always thought I had a chance with her until that moment, and the experience really knocked me back.  It dented my confidence totally in expressing general feelings towards the opposite sex.  It was painful to experience, but I’m a better person for it.

    However, there is someone for everyone and I believe in it anyway.  Love is around the corner and my advice would be, which corner?  Don’t rush into things, otherwise they can and have the tendency to spiral out of control.  Single or not, it will only make things worse.  Traditionally, I am the fast and furious type, but this time, I have to admit slow and steady will earn the right results.

     Love is complex, but if it was easy, would there be any point in the word existing – not really!  Go with the flow and just see where the path takes you because no-one knows what’s around the corner.