Sports One - The rubbish version of Sky Sports!

By Simon Wright (Humour and Personal Piece)

MY LACK of use of video calling device Skype and Sean Lock’s hilarious stand-up at last week’s Channel 4 Comedy Gala got me thinking this week.  I'd have a laugh at sport and create a new sports channel that simply can’t compete with the might of Sky Sports, with some added tweaks.  Sport One is the latest innovation for addicted sports fans that simply can’t enough of sport, no matter how bad the quality is.  If we compare the events Sky Sports has to Sport One, let’s see what humour I can come up with, to see if there is any competition between the two.

SKY SPORTS LIVE TELEVISED RIGHTS

Football

Sky Sports has the broadcasting rights to 115 live games from the best league in the world, the Barclays Premier League.  All the matches, including the big head-to-heads (Arsenal, Chelsea, Manchester United and Liverpool) are screened exclusively live on the channel and are in glorified HD.  Some of the games are also available in 3D.  Sky Sports also has live rights to Npower Football League action, La Liga, the Carling Cup, the UEFA Champions League and Euro 2012 qualifiers featuring England, Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland.

Cricket

Sky Sports is the only place where cricket fans can see live coverage of all of England’s test summer matches at home, including encounters this summer with Sri Lanka and India.  Sky Sports also has the rights to the Cricket World Cup, the 20:20 cup and various other forms of the cricket game.

Rugby Union

A pioneer of rugby union coverage, Sky Sports is the only place to see live Heineken Cup rugby, the European rugby equivalent of the UEFA Champions League.  They also screen all of England’s home winter internationals, summer internationals and the prestigious Tri-Nations series involving the Southern Hemisphere sides.

Rugby League

Since 1996, Sky Sports is the home of top class rugby league, featuring the Super League, the tri-nations series between New Zealand, Great Britain and Australia + the Rugby League World Cup.

Golf

If you love your golf, Sky Sports is the place for it.  From 2011 onwards, Sky has three of the four golfing majors live, the US Masters, US Open and USPGA Championship, as well as various events from the European and American tours.

Tennis

Follow Andy Murray’s progress throughout the year with the key ATP Masters series events from Indian Wells, Monte Carlo, Paris and Rome amongst others.  Also, the US Open is exclusively live.

Motor Racing

Is not a leading foray with Sky Sports, but they do have live rights to the Indy Racing League, which includes the prestigious Indianapolis 500 and live NASCAR.

SPORT ONE LIVE TELEVISED RIGHTS

Football

If you love your football and I mean love it more than drinking a cold pint of Carling, then Sport One is the place for you.  Sport One has live and exclusive coverage of the UK Pub League, featuring the leading pub teams from across the country.  They are with you every step of the way, with some 200 live matches screened in standard definition only from some of the filthiest pitches across the country.  It isn’t just pubs that get the live coverage deserved in football rights.  Sport One also has live and exclusive rights to the Ford Pub Cup, sponsored by the all-new Toyota POWERDRIVE!  The winner of this prestigious competition doesn’t get a place in Europe, as the team get to share a brand-new Toyota between them, which I have been assured will not carry any dodgy accelerator parts!  There is also live coverage of the Primary Schools Lunchtime League, the Periodista Liga (featuring the best journalists in Spain), the 7UP Cup with the final infront of three people on the racecourse in Northamptonshire and coverage of the 2012 0ver 40’s European Championship, with qualifiers featuring the best sides in Europe; Liechtenstein, Luxembourg, Andorra, San Marino and Armenia!  Sport One offered to do a new football drama on a fictional football club, starring England legends, but the legends turned it down as they were worried it was going to be the real-life drama of Sky One’s Dream Team (which ran from 1997-2008).

Cricket

At Sports One, they don’t do live cricket, as it is simple too bearable to watch.  So, they show highlights packages every summer of the Umpire Associations Division, again featuring the best teams from England.  They can umpire the game, but can they play it?  The winner of the division at the end of a hard-fought season gets a lifetime supply of bananas from ASDA for their efforts!  There is live coverage however of the Six Balls Cup, as teams aim to make the most of playing cricket in just a single over; the quickest form of cricket around.  Sports One will also follow the England Builders Cricket Association, as they tour the world to play seven tests against Estonia and Georgia this winter!  Let’s see if that entire sleeping and regular coffee break pattern comes into any fruition here!

Golf

Sports One don’t cover golf, because simply they are more interested in sport that actually matters!

Motor Racing

The new concept of motor racing has arrived.  Created and supported by the Daily Express, it’s the Daily Express Counties Cup of Motorsport.  22 counties across England (ranging from Northamptonshire and Nottinghamshire, to Staffordshire and Lancashire) come up against one another, racing on some of the finest go-karting tracks and streets in the country.  The season finale on a gravel pit in the Channel Islands is a must see.  Other prestigious motorsport events are the Tesco Car Park 500, as 501 cars compete for 500 parking spaces, with the one left at the end being declared the winner!  Of course, let’s not forget the British Lawnmowing Championships, as Britain’s best lawnmowers take part in 20 events across the country to find out just who is; Britain’s Best Gardener!

Tennis

Andy Murray had to start somewhere and tennis is thriving at the moment, especially with Wimbledon around the corner.  Sports One will not be covering the SW19 championships, due to its crammed scheduling, so instead, it brings you the Fictional Lookalike Tennis tour, with the likes of Ian Beale, Scary Spice from the Spice Girls and Fabio Capello taking part.  They will do well to beat Mojo the Helper Monkey, who has been ranked no.1 for the past seven years.  Wonder if he got any inspiration from Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer’s dominance of the ATP tour!  Of course, in the Fictional Characters Tennis tour, there are four grand slams; the Butterfinger Open from Springfield, USA (Homer Simpson has won four years running!), the Traffic Jam Open held at Spaghetti Junction, Ice Cream Open, in the land of Ice Creams and the Sauce Open, held in the pleasant countryside of Emmerdale, in the Yorkshire Dales.

Horse Racing

Whilst the Cheltenham Gold Cup, Royal Ascot, The Epsom Derby and the Grand National take the highlights of the horse racing calendar, nothing can beat the football mascot national, which sees all 92 mascots taking part in a series of legendary jumps and chases across the UK.  From Towcester and Yarmouth, to Wolverhampton and Newcastle – which mascot will come out on top and win a lifetime seat on the board at their football club!

OTHER EVENTS

Other events to be screened on Sports One are;

The YouTube Amateur Rugby Union Premiership (The best secondary school rugby around)

The European Tag Rugby Cup, sponsored by Heinz (Winner gets a lifetime supply of Heinz Baked Beans).

The More Fun than Watching Paint Dry World Snooker Championship (The best painters in the world meet every year to see who is good enough at snooker and replace the Dulex dog as its main advertising campaigner.  (The Dulex dog is being knighted for his services to television broadcasting, and his owners have decided to retire him at the top.)

The University Wrestling Festival (Screw the League Tables, The best University students fight it out in the three-day wrestling event to see who really is The Best University in the UK)

The Water Pistol Championships (Target practice is of the essential, just what can you knock out of the hands of your competitors)

So, forget Sky Sports, because if you love your sports, it has to be Sports One.  The new channel is coming soon to Freeview, so you don’t have to miss out!  Enjoy the wild and wacky side of sport!

NOTE: Sports One is a fake sports channel and IS NOT A REAL LIFE channel!

Men behaving badly in the beautiful game

LAST week was a bad week for the game of football.  The beautiful game was dragged through the mud by a series of unprofessional events which soured its image spectacularly.  Touchline brawls, tunnel punch-ups, unpunished elbows and gun incidents; the game made the headlines for completely the wrong reasons.

Saturday

INNOCENCE: Rooney protests the incident, and gets away scot-free

Nine minutes into the match between Wigan Athletic and Manchester United and Wayne Rooney throws an elbow into the back of James McCarthy’s head.  It is an act of thuggish behaviour from Rooney, who still has to justify many for earning £250,000 a week.  Remarkably, referee Mark Clattenburg seemed to share a joke with Rooney about the incident and only gave Wigan a free-kick for the incident.  In his match report, Clattenburg believed that he had dealt with the incident in a calm and professional manner, meaning that the FA couldn’t punish Rooney further until strict FIFA guidelines.  Once again, Wayne Rooney sets a poor example for those who idolise him.

Sunday

Twenty-four hours after the Rooney saga and it is another England team-mate who faces the wrath and condemnation for his actions.  The News of the World break the story that Chelsea left-back Ashley Cole carried an air rifle into the club’s training ground and ‘accidentally’ shot a 21-year old work placement student.  Carlo Ancelotti insists he is still in control with events at the club, but how can this be deemed acceptable.  The club are believed to have fined Cole the maximum two weeks wages for this bizarre and frankly, unforgiveable behaviour.  If Chelsea had been serious, a suspension invoked by the club would have got the message across.

Monday

Stoke City and West Brom have played out a drab 1-1 draw in the Barclays Premiership and Jonas Olsson is angry when he attempts to shake the hand of a Stoke player.  The player, reportedly Dean Whitehead refuses to accept Olsson’s reconciliation attempt, which suggests of some previous bad blood.  In his rage, Olsson punches a picture in the Britannia Stadium tunnel afterwards.  Tony Pulis is furious and insists that disciplinary action should be taken.  Roy Hodgson apologises on Olsson’s behalf, but once again, a stance has not been set out by the club in question.

Tuesday

A pivotal clash in the Premiership title race sees Chelsea beat Manchester United 2-1 at Stamford Bridge.  However, it is Sir Alex Ferguson’s behaviour that is called into question.  Ferguson is incensed at the appointment of Martin Atkinson as referee for this match.  He questions Atkinson’s ability as a referee and insists the game was bound to be unfair.  In the match itself, Chelsea’s winner came from a dubious penalty decision, whilst Nemanja Vidic was sent off and David Luiz avoided a red card for two blatant trips on Rooney.  The FA charge Ferguson with improper conduct and rather than most accepting the charge, Sir Alex has decided to contest the decision, which could lead to an extended ban from the touchline.  Although I personally thought Atkinson had a poor game and made some incorrect calls, there was no need for Ferguson’s outburst and I hope the FA throw the book at him.

Wednesday

UGLY: Neil Lennon and Ally McCoist have to be pulled apart

North of the Border and Celtic entertain Rangers in a fifth round Scottish Cup replay.  It is already the fifth time that these giants of the Scottish game have met this season and the fireworks explode on a bruising and shameful night for the history of the Old Firm Derby.  Three Rangers players; Steven Whittaker, Majid Bougherra and El-Hadji Diouf are all sent off.  Whittaker and Bougherra for fouls that are more expected in a wrestling ring, not a soccer pitch.  Diouf was dismissed after the full-time whistle for an outburst at the referee.  He then evaded police to throw his shirt into the Rangers crowd.  The Senegalese also had an ugly clash with Celtic boss Neil Lennon on the touchline during the match and was goaded all night by the Celtic fans.  This leads back to a spitting incident whilst playing for Liverpool in a 2003 UEFA Cup tie at Parkhead.  At full-time, Lennon and Rangers assistant manager Ally McCoist attempt to stage their own version of ‘Big Fight Live!’  They have to be pulled apart by both benches.  With over 30 fans arrested too, it’s a grim night and leads to calls for significant disciplinary action from the SFA, even from the Scottish Parliament.  The whole incident is a complete fracas and distasteful for many.  Oh and there was a football match, which Celtic won 1-0.

Thursday

Manchester City suspend Kolo Toure after the FA confirm that the Ivorian defender failed a routine drugs test following the Manchester derby last month.  Toure is an integral part of the City team and was club captain at Eastlands last season.  It is thought that the club received the news before Wednesday’s 3-0 FA Cup fifth round romp of Aston Villa, hence why Toure didn’t play.  Toure, who played for Arsenal between 2002-2009 is believed to have taken a weight loss tablet, which his wife is on.  Arsene Wenger, who still has regular contact with Toure confirmed at his pre-weekend conference on Friday that Toure takes it, as he is concerned about his weight on a regular basis.  When playing for Sheffield United, Paddy Kenny did something similar and got a nine-month ban for his actions.  If a B sample comes back positive, Toure could face upto two years out of the game, effectively ending his career in England and tarnishing all of his great memories in this country.  Once again, strong action has to be taken, so the message gets across that cheats simply don’t prosper.

For football, it has been a forgettable week.  For many lovers of the game, we all hope this was an unfortunate week and just a nasty sequence of events, but it is understandable why those who don’t follow the game question the worth of today’s footballers and their excessive wage demands.

It is now time for the politics to end, and for the worldwide and national governing bodies to get together and stamp out this kind of childish behaviour which ruins a sport most of us love for the majority.

Football League Ref: But Is There A Place For Women In The Game?

This blog was first published on February 12th at http://happydude88.livejournal.com/

This has always a fairly controversial and heated debate and it probably will rage on for years to come, but should women have a place in the game of football. Why not, what’s the harm?

On Tuesday night, referee Tony Bates had to come off through injury, with 20 minutes remaining of the hotly-contested Midlands derby between Coventry City and Nottingham Forest. He was replaced by Amy Fearn, who was the senior assistant. Therefore, Fearn became the first woman to referee a match in the Football League. To her credit and that of the players too, the game, which ended in a 1-0 win for Coventry ended without any controversy.

Traditionally, football has been known as a real men’s game and that women should stay away from this sport. However, statistics are not backing up that fact. Eight years ago, Football overtook Netball as the most popular sport that women participate in, and the success of Arsenal and England ladies in major tournaments of recent years suggests that there is a place for women in the game. Sure, it will never overtook the men and nor should it, but does it deserve more exposure. Yes is my simple answer to that.

Sponsorship deals are of a very low income and although ITV screen the Ladies FA Cup final, only the BBC has shown any broadcasting interest into the woman’s game. I think more needs to be done on a commercial side for women to get a real breakthrough into football.

As for Amy Fearn, she has refereed regularly in the Blue Square Premier of recent years, but is highly confident of someday, referring a match in the Barclays Premier League. With the success of foreign referees abroad, even taking charge of crucial UEFA Europa League and domestic games, then I certainly think that Fearn’s ambition is certainly an achievable goal. There may only be 1,000 women who are registered referees in England, but if Amy Fearn can inspire this statistic, then things may change in the game. It’s not the first time she has made the news either. Back in 2006, then Luton Town manager Mike Newell got into hot water with the FA for a sexist comment about women in football after his side had a penalty turned down against QPR. That day, Fearn was the linesman who turned down the pleas, but it was Newell who was in the wrong and quite rightly, he had to apologise for his comments.

Maybe the game of football doesn’t really want women in it, but I think the game needs them and although men will dominate in the short-term future, it would be nice to see the female side break into the Premiership and above, even if it end up on the referring side.