TV classics - Brookside

By Jason Wright (Entertainment Expert)

BROOKSIDE was a soap opera that whether you loved it or hated it, it just couldn’t be ignored.  Set in Brookside Close, a fictional cul-de-sac of houses in Liverpool, it launched in November 1982, along with the arrival a brand new terrestrial channel, Channel 4.

     In its early years, it was seen as a cheap, heartless version of Coronation Street, the only other prime-time soap at the time of its launch.  It was also heavily criticised by the Mersey public itself because they felt it was a distasteful portrayal of average scouse life.  However, creator Phil Redmond vowed to win over the critics and started doing what ITV couldn’t; browsing through the real-life stories with the aim of incorporating them into Brookie in some way.  It worked and the show’s ratings went through the roof.  Brookside helped launched the careers of many actors and actresses including Ricky Tomlinson, Amanda Burton, Paul Usher, Claire Sweeney, Anna Friel and Barry Sloane.

     By 1990, with ratings increasing to over seven million, the show was rewarded with an extra episode and an extension in the set was made with the arrival of Brookside Parade.  This allowed room for an extra restaurant, a bar and in a first for British soap, a petrol station on the promenade.

STAR: Anna Friel's career took off with some juicy storylines on the Close

     February 1993 brought a change of direction in Brookside with its most famous plot in history.  The troubled Jordache family changed forever when Beth (Anna Friel) stabbed abusing dad Trevor (Bryan Murray) when attacking his wife Mandy (Sandra Maitland).  In an act of defiance, they buried his body underneath their patio and it wasn’t until little less than two years later when it was dug up.  Mandy and Beth were jailed for life and the viewing figures struck 10 million for the first (and perhaps only) time in history.  The complex plotline also brought along Britain’s first pre-watershed lesbian kiss between Beth and family friend Margaret Clemence (Nicola Stephenson) in January 1994.  With that, along with often scenes of drug abuse, alcohol addiction and grudges, many formed by perhaps Brookie’s most-known character, Jimmy Corkhill (Dean Sullivan), the soap was able to deal with hard-hitting issues in a unique way and receive critical acclaim for it.

     Phil Redmond quit the soap in 1998, to focus more on building up potential on the recently-launched Hollyoaks.  His final produced scenes centred on Brookside Parade being blown up in a gas leak, but it turned into an anti-climax with no loss of life.  The departure of Redmond was another hammer blow for the show as it had been rated by experts as having become too dramatic and intense for pre-watershed airing.  A new production team aimed to try and stem the recent flow of tough storylines but the plan instead went in the opposite direction.

     By 2000, the soap was in crisis.  Channel 4 persuaded Redmond to come back and offer Brookie a much needed lifeline.  For its 20th anniversary, Redmond decided that a fortnight-long siege plot would hopefully drum up the much-needed support.  The episodes were somewhat explosive and distressing to say the least with every cast member held captive in their own houses by escaped convict Terry ‘Psycho’ Gibson and his henchman.  It was mass carnage with two people being killed (one being pushed through a window!), two raped and others being beaten up.  The shocking events culminated with Gibson, having finally been trapped by armed police, using a machine gun to strike down a police helicopter.  It crashed into the petrol station, engulfing Brookside in a massive fireball, and claiming the life of another innocent victim.

     Needless to say, the plot failed miserably.  Though it did record the best ratings in a while (2 million compared the norm then of around 500,000), it came under attack by critics for the way it had been handled.  There are far too many similarities with the far more successful plane crash in Emmerdale in 1993.  Regulator at the time, ITC (Independent Television Commission) received thousands of complaints from viewers who had been left traumatised and physically unwell by the horrific episodes.

     With no alternatives left, Channel 4 threw in the towel and cancelled the show.  Redmond expressed his disappointment by saying: “It happens.  Life must move on and we all have to come to terms with that.”  First, Brookside was scaled down into a Saturday omnibus show, before moving in mid-2003 into a late night midnight/1am programme.

     The soap bowed out with little fanfare or mention in November 2003.  It fell to Jimmy Corkhill to utter the last words and paint a D on the street sign to read BROOKSIDE CLOSED!  Brookie’s demise was Hollyoaks gain, as a week after Brookie’s swansong, the Chester-based soap went into a weekly format, slowly starting its transition into top-quality soap.

DEMISE: Brookside got the chop from the TV schedules in 2003

     Brookside however will live on as an innovative soap to many people and is still mentioned of today.  It’s difficult to say whether it would have survived another few years than what it got if it hadn’t taken a wrong turn in direction but whatever the case, the writing was on wall already when Redmond tried to rescue the show from oblivion.  The legacy of the close will remain for years to come.

BBC Television Centre up for sale

AFTER 50 years at its iconic London site on Wood Lane, BBC Television Centre was put up for sale last Monday.  The corporation, who gave their first indications of a possible sale for the site back in 2007, have decided to cash in as part of their budget restructuring plans.  Currently, BBC Television Centre is home to 5,000 employees, but by 2015, the site will be completely vacated.

     Relocation is already in the process of taking place.  BBC News will move its services to the modernised Broadcasting House near Oxford Circus.  Meanwhile, the children’s and sports departments will move to Salford.  Football Focus and Match of the Day will begin their new seasons at their new home, whilst BBC Breakfast is moving to Salford in January 2012.

SALE: BBC Television Centre is going under the hammer

     The BBC is looking for a buyer that will ‘maximise the value’ for itself.  They are hoping for a final sale figure of a price between £300million and £350million, though some property experts are expecting leading bids to only total £200million.  Interest has to be given by prospective bidders by July 1.  By selling the building, the BBC hopes to save £20million a year, which is enough to pay for 30 more hours of top-notch drama.  Reaction has been mixed to the news of the Beeb’s decision.  BBC F1 presenter Jake Humphrey used Twitter to express his fondness for Television Centre; “The place I call home is for sale.  I love BBC TV Centre.  It’s played a huge role in the history of British TV and my life.”  Comedian Charlie Brooker wasn’t so impressed with the news; “It’s like they’re going to saw up the Tardis and use it for firewood.”

     BBC Television Centre has a very distinguished history.  Classic programmes such as Doctor Who, Fawlty Towers, Allo Allo and Blue Peter are among the programmes that have been filmed at Television Centre.  The centre has also been home to controversy and embarrassment too.  The launch night of BBC Two in April 1964 had to be cancelled due to a massive powercut on the site.  In October 2009, protestors against the BNP stormed the reception of Television Centre when controversial BNP leader Nick Griffin appeared on Question Time. 

     Nevertheless, no-one can take any gloss over a sensational half century of programming and memories at BBC Television Centre.

TV classics - The Crystal Maze

IN A new feature, it is time to take a dip back into looking through the classics of yesteryear on television.  It begins with the fantastic gameshow concept Channel 4 came up with in 1990, The Crystal Maze.

    Beginning in February 1990, the show lasted five years, with six series and a selection of kids Christmas specials also aired.  The show was made by Chatsworth Television and it became a huge hit almost overnight, attracting a regular weekly audience of 6million viewers.  The Crystal Maze came at a time when Channel 4 needed to attract a viewing figure which would frighten the main terrestrial heavyweights, BBC and ITV.  The star of Rocky Horror show Richard O’Brien was persuaded to host the show, which at the time, was the biggest arena around for any kind of gameshow.  Filmed at The Shepperton Studios, the maze itself cost £250,000 to construct and is the size of two football pitches.

     The set was constructed into four different zones, offering the team players a variety of challenges and obstacles to negotiate their way to the ultimate prize for winning a game, a precious, shiny, silver crystal.  The ‘Aztec’ zone was often referred to as the most popular zone with the fans.  Aztec was based on a small, parasitic village that had the feel of Egypt to it!  Futuristic was seen as the zone which offered the ‘modern’ world which we live in today.  Clearly, the producers ideas of what the world would look like in 2011, back in 1990 were completely different!  Nevertheless, it gave everyone, including the competitors a feel of future land.  The Medieval zone is set in a castle area, and is where ‘Mumsie,’ played by Sandra Caron was based.  Often, O’Brien would pay a visit, even if a game featuring her would not take place in the episode.  The least popular zone was Industrial, which was set around a chemical factory.  Being scientific was the name of the game, but this zone was dropped for the more popular and demanding Ocean zone in 1993.  Of course, at the centre of the maze was The Crystal Dome, where after the physical, mental and skilful challenges of the four zones before them, the climax would take place.  The Dome was where the teams of six would compete to find out if they won or lost the ultimate game.

DOME: Another team take on the maze, guided by Richard O'Brien

    The teams would be led by a captain, with a vice-captain taking over should the captain get locked in.  A time limit to complete each game was set by Richard O’Brien and it would be within the limit that the challenger would compete in either a skill, mental, physical or mystery game to earn a crystal.  If a crystal was won, five seconds would be gained in The Crystal Dome and the more time in the Dome would give a better chance of overall success.  If time ran out and the challenger failed to get out of the game in time, they would be locked in and it would up to the rest of the team to decide whether to buy the individual out, or keep them stewing to reflect over the grave mistake they’d made.  If they went ahead with the buying option, a crystal would have to be sacrificed.  Teams who went around The Crystal Maze had varying degrees of success.  In 1992, one team was so bad, they only won one crystal and consequently, five seconds of time in The Crystal Maze.  Even O’Brien gave them little hope when he let the contestants into the Dome; “I would wish you good luck, but I’m not going to bother, because it’s a waste of time.”  Unsurprisingly, the hapless team lost!  In the Dome itself, the team had to collect as many gold credits as they could, and avoid collecting silver credits.  Every silver slip that went through the letterbox would deduct a gold token off the team’s final tally.  Should the team earn a final total of 100 gold tokens, after deductions, all the members of the team would win a mediocre prize.  Even if a team lost, they would still go home with a crystal engraved; ‘I cracked the Crystal Maze!’

    In 1993, Richard O’Brien left the show just before the Christmas special.  It was a mysterious and confusing exit and was a body blow to the show’s popularity.  In an interview many years, O’Brien gave the reason for his decision to leave;

"The Crystal Maze was a road I walked down; I never imagined I'd go down that particular byway. I liked it but even at the time I thought - I never saw myself doing this kind of work. So I did it for four years and thought I better get out while I am ahead, while I am remembered fondly."

    Ed Tudor-Pole was his replacement, but he never lived up to expectations.  Tudor-Pole was dismal and struggled to fill O’Brien shoes.  As with most shows, changes were made to rules, as were the costumes and by the time of August 1995, The Crystal Maze had become a pale shadow of its former glory.  Once Chatsworth Television’s contract with Channel 4 expired, The Crystal Maze was consigned to the history books on 10 August 1995.

     Despite its unfortunate demise in the 90s, there are some dedicated fans (including myself) that are campaigning for an eventual return.  ITV has been rumoured in the past to be bringing the show back, especially in 2009, but these talks ended up reaching a dead end.  The Crystal Maze’s popularity remains very strong though.  Challenge, now on Freeview shows classic episodes every weeknight at 6pm and in two polls conducted by online site UKGameshows.com, The Crystal Maze came out on top as ‘The Greatest Gameshow of All Time’ in 2006 and 2010. 

     The Crystal Maze is considered to be ‘a highly ambitious high-risk show which paid off handsomely.’  I’d certainly agree with that.  It might have fallen from grace, but its popular cult following, even today, means it will always have a strong legacy.

The Finishing Straight - Canada (by HappyDude88)

FORMULA One 2011 should definitely come with some sort of health warning, after another unforgettable Grand Prix in Canada last weekend.  The entertaining action this season has certainly dome damage to my health, and I bet it’s the same for many others.

SENSATIONAL: Button drive was a champions fightback

     Jenson Button’s fighting drive to victory on Sunday will go down as ‘The Greatest Comeback Victory.’  Button was 21^st and last with two-thirds of the race gone, so for him to win from there is something really special.  The pace of his McLaren in the dying stages, even though it was on a drying track must have everyone sit up and take notice.  Red Bull certainly will.  Button made up for his team’s strategy errors that cost him a shot at the Monaco Grand Prix and to pressure Sebastian Vettel into a rare error takes a lot of skill and determination, considering how unflappable and invincible the world champion has been this season.  For the past three races now, McLaren have had the fastest car on a Sunday afternoon.  They were beaten in Barcelona due to its lack of overtaking opportunities, Monaco by poor strategy and an unlucky Safety Car, and even in Canada, they threatened to completely throw the advantage away.  Gambling on a wet setup for qualifying on Saturday was such a big risk and although it did end up working, could you imagine if Button hadn’t past Vettel.  This was probably going to be Red Bull’s weakest circuit on the calendar, so if they won here, the rest could write off the season and forget it because Sebastian Vettel would simply be uncatchable.  He still will look difficult to beat, but McLaren do have a chance, as long as one driver calms down and they stop making poor strategy calls.

SPIN: Webber faces the wrong way, after contact with Hamilton

      Whilst Button was driving to victory, Lewis Hamilton was cheering him on in the McLaren hospitality lounge.  However, Hamilton’s impatience cost him again, like in Monaco and has finished any hope of a second world championship this season.  He was frustrated by qualifying fifth and once again, his race effort is what you would expect from a mad motorist on the M25 during rush hour!  I will give Hamilton the benefit of the doubt in regards to his collision with Mark Webber, once the Safety Car had released the pack.  Webber gave him space and Lewis understeered into the Red Bull.  The contact spun Webber around and left him with a mountain to climb.  It was a risky attempt to pass, but there was more opportunity than there was in Monaco with his rash overtaking attempts.  After a near-miss with Michael Schumacher, Hamilton then went onto colliding unbelievably with Button, with the damage ending his race.  Button was slow out of the final chicane on the eighth lap and Hamilton got a run on his team-mate onto the start-finish straight.  Once Jenson started moving across to take his normal racing line, you would have thought that Hamilton, with his experience now, would shuffle to the outside and attempt a pass from there.  Instead, he went for a gap that was narrowing more and more and was always going to close.  It was lucky that Jenson wasn’t taken out either.  His radio call shortly afterwards; “What’s he doing!” said it all.  A collision between the McLaren drivers was always on the cards this season, especially when you think back to their private duels in China and Turkey earlier this year.  The drivers have agreed to put it aside and move on, but we saw what happened between Webber and Vettel last season after their contact at Istanbul Park.  The next few races will be interesting to see how the dynamics flow within McLaren and whether team harmony has been damaged by this touch between its drivers.

TRICKY: Conditions were undriveable at one point

     The Canadian Grand Prix was the first race this season to be rain-affected and the first in the country since 2000.  Despite limited experience of the wet Pirelli tyres to a soaking day of testing in Barcelona and one practice session in Istanbul, I was disappointed to see the drivers prefer a Safety Car start.  The track was not dangerous at this point, and although it was a tough call, I’ve seen standing starts in far worse conditions.  When the race was suspended, it was a late call by race director Charlie Whiting.  As soon as the rain came down and waterlogged the Casino Hairpin on lap 18, the race should have been stopped immediately.  Conditions were undriveable, so why go behind the Safety car unnecessarily for another five laps!  Commonsense needed prevailing.  Despite a two-hour delay afterwards for conditions to improve, it was the right decision to go racing again, despite my initial reluctance.  However, the track was ready to race after one Safety Car lap, not five!  These are the best paid drivers in the world, and of course, danger is an element of this game, but I do think at times that the caution around a race of changeable conditions is absolutely ridiculous.  This is why I prefer the bone dry, standard race, so this caution can be avoided in future.

     Force India had an opportunity to pick up big points in Montreal and their drivers show impatience, which cost the Silverstone based-team dearly.  Paul di Resta was very strong all weekend; only narrowly missing out on Q3 and running as high as fifth.  When he tried an optimistic move on Nick Heidfeld into the final chicane, I could not believe how stupid Paul had just been.  It was a lacklustre and lame overtaking attempt and surely di Resta must have thought that Heidfeld would probably turn in as he had the racing line.  I do agree with the rookie that a drive-through penalty was extremely harsh, considering the contact was minimal and it didn’t destroy Heidfeld’s race, it only wrecked di Resta’s.  He had another run-in with Rubens Barrichello towards the end of the race (which wasn’t picked up by the TV cameras) that ended his race.  The maturity di Resta has shown in his rookie season has impressed me, but these rash moves are costing the team big points.  To make it worse, Adrian Sutil ran into the back of Nico Rosberg behind the Safety Car; such an elementary mistake for an experienced driver and then rather than benefiting from being the first driver to gamble on dry tyres, he dropped it into the unforgiving barriers.  Force India’s main championship rivals are Toro Rosso and Williams.  When you consider Toro Rosso picked up a double points finish; (Jaime Alguesuari was 8^th, Sebastian Buemi 10^th) and Barrichello bought his Williams home in 9^th, Force India could lookback on this as the day they got rooted into ninth place in this year’s constructor’s championship.

     Another team struggling for form is Renault.  They made a very strong start to the season, with two podiums in the first two races, but are struggling to keep up with the developments from a rapidly improving Mercedes and Ferrari.  Nick Heidfeld had a messy Grand Prix and his demise was spectacular to say the least.  Big points were his for the taking, when he drove into the back of Kamur Kobayashi out of turn two.  His front wing was broken, and collapsed underneath his chassis yards later, which led to an acrobatic flying lesson that failed to match Vitaly Petrov’s Malaysian effort.  Petrov did stay out of trouble to record a morale boosting fifth place and there is no doubt that the Russian has improved greatly in his second season of Formula One.  However, Renault will do well to score any more rostrums, and badly need Robert Kubica back.  The Pole’s presence in the team is valuable, as is being proven by this year’s results, compared to last year’s.  

      Canada was a race too soon for Sergio Perez.  Perez was passed fit after three medical examinations, following his qualifying shunt which ended his participation in the Monaco event early.  However, he complained of dizziness after driving Friday’s first free practice session and opted to pull out for his own health.  It was a surprising move, but one that won a lot of praise in the paddock.  There is no point for Sergio to risk his long-term health to take part in one Grand Prix, but it does raise the question of the FIA medical test of how he could pass it in the first place.  For some reason, Sauber’s reserve driver Esteban Gutierrez didn’t travel to Canada, so the team were forced to swallow the bullet and ask McLaren if they could borrow Pedro de la Rosa.  This is the driver they fired from the team with five races left to go in 2010 and it was a fractious relationship to say the least.  Of course, de la Rosa was never going to say ‘no’ to another chance at a racing environment, no matter the team or the consequences.  He got into Q2 and finished a solid, if unspectacular 12^th, which was a good effort at short notice.  Team-mate Kamur Kobayashi continues to rack up the points for the team, with seventh, but for a poor decision on changing to the dry tyre too late, a podium was there for the taking.  Kobayashi did a great job and deserved more for the result he ended up collecting.

FORM: Schumacher was eventually denied a podium position

      So too did Michael Schumacher.  On a track where he has won seven times in the past, he found form and produced the best drive of his failed comeback so far.  Schumacher qualified only 0.1secs behind Nico Rosberg and raced very strongly.  He made up for a rash decision by Ross Brawn to put him on intermediates just before the Montreal downpour and ran as high as second, even briefly challenging his compatriot Vettel for the lead.  Unfortunately, the Mercedes still isn’t on the same path as Red Bull and McLaren and he was overpowered by Webber and Button.  It was a shame, because Michael deserved a podium for his efforts.  Nevertheless, fourth place is the team’s best finish of the season and gives hope that Schuey can still deliver and perform at the highest level.  Let’s hope the revival of his form can continue and prove me wrong (having urged him to walkaway after his mere in Istanbul last month.)

      Hispania Racing deserves a mention too for their improvements.  After the Melbourne shambles, the team has shown little danger of not making the 107 per cent in qualifying and performed admirably in Canada.  Vitantonio Liuzzi finished in 13^th at the chequered flag, which might not sound great, but it could be priceless to the team.  It moves Hispania above Virgin Racing in the constructor’s championship, which would mean extra travel and prize money for the Spanish team that is always strapped for cash.  To make it better, Narain Karthikeyan was right behind him at the finish, as the team beat both Virgin’s of Timo Glock and Jerome D’Ambrosio and Jarno Trulli’s Lotus fair and square.  Even Heikki Kovalainen, who retired with a transmission problem, was running behind them at the time of his departure from the race.  It is nice to see progress in Formula One, no matter how small it is and Hispania are doing a creditable job, considering the laughing stock they were at the start of the season.

      The Bahrain Grand Prix has finally been cancelled and the Indian Grand Prix restored to its initial date of October 30.  There has been a great deal of uncertainty about the race and I’m pleased to see the Bahrain authorities have produced the commonsense that the FIA and Bernie Ecclestone couldn’t see.  Bahrain has got big problems and they need dealing with, so I was flabbergasted to hear the race was rescheduled in the first place.  You can’t play with people lives and the event was bound to be overshadowed by events elsewhere within the country.  No sooner had the race been rescheduled, more video footage of demonstrations was being planted on YouTube.  I hope the country can sort out its pressing issues in a calm and dignified manner and maybe, Formula One can return there in 2012.  However, the running battle over the race organisation has been one which F1 didn’t need.  It definitely has covered itself in any glory.

      Finally, time to crown my Driver of the Day and Driver of the Weekend.  Driver of the Day has to go to Button.  Despite the Hamilton incident and another racing clash, which saw Fernando Alonso eliminated, his searing fightback and the pressure he put on Vettel was immense.  This was his greatest Grand Prix win, for sure.  Driver of the Weekend in Canada is Michael Schumacher.  Maybe a surprising nomination, but whereas Vettel, Button, Hamilton, Felipe Massa and Alonso all made errors at some point during the weekend, Michael didn’t.  He showed his experience in such tricky conditions and his result was well merited.  What a race, what a season!  If Valencia can provide half the drama Montreal managed then I will be satisfied, considering a car park would be more interesting to race on than that particular circuit!  More of the same next week please!

Sports One - The rubbish version of Sky Sports!

By Simon Wright (Humour and Personal Piece)

MY LACK of use of video calling device Skype and Sean Lock’s hilarious stand-up at last week’s Channel 4 Comedy Gala got me thinking this week.  I'd have a laugh at sport and create a new sports channel that simply can’t compete with the might of Sky Sports, with some added tweaks.  Sport One is the latest innovation for addicted sports fans that simply can’t enough of sport, no matter how bad the quality is.  If we compare the events Sky Sports has to Sport One, let’s see what humour I can come up with, to see if there is any competition between the two.

SKY SPORTS LIVE TELEVISED RIGHTS

Football

Sky Sports has the broadcasting rights to 115 live games from the best league in the world, the Barclays Premier League.  All the matches, including the big head-to-heads (Arsenal, Chelsea, Manchester United and Liverpool) are screened exclusively live on the channel and are in glorified HD.  Some of the games are also available in 3D.  Sky Sports also has live rights to Npower Football League action, La Liga, the Carling Cup, the UEFA Champions League and Euro 2012 qualifiers featuring England, Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland.

Cricket

Sky Sports is the only place where cricket fans can see live coverage of all of England’s test summer matches at home, including encounters this summer with Sri Lanka and India.  Sky Sports also has the rights to the Cricket World Cup, the 20:20 cup and various other forms of the cricket game.

Rugby Union

A pioneer of rugby union coverage, Sky Sports is the only place to see live Heineken Cup rugby, the European rugby equivalent of the UEFA Champions League.  They also screen all of England’s home winter internationals, summer internationals and the prestigious Tri-Nations series involving the Southern Hemisphere sides.

Rugby League

Since 1996, Sky Sports is the home of top class rugby league, featuring the Super League, the tri-nations series between New Zealand, Great Britain and Australia + the Rugby League World Cup.

Golf

If you love your golf, Sky Sports is the place for it.  From 2011 onwards, Sky has three of the four golfing majors live, the US Masters, US Open and USPGA Championship, as well as various events from the European and American tours.

Tennis

Follow Andy Murray’s progress throughout the year with the key ATP Masters series events from Indian Wells, Monte Carlo, Paris and Rome amongst others.  Also, the US Open is exclusively live.

Motor Racing

Is not a leading foray with Sky Sports, but they do have live rights to the Indy Racing League, which includes the prestigious Indianapolis 500 and live NASCAR.

SPORT ONE LIVE TELEVISED RIGHTS

Football

If you love your football and I mean love it more than drinking a cold pint of Carling, then Sport One is the place for you.  Sport One has live and exclusive coverage of the UK Pub League, featuring the leading pub teams from across the country.  They are with you every step of the way, with some 200 live matches screened in standard definition only from some of the filthiest pitches across the country.  It isn’t just pubs that get the live coverage deserved in football rights.  Sport One also has live and exclusive rights to the Ford Pub Cup, sponsored by the all-new Toyota POWERDRIVE!  The winner of this prestigious competition doesn’t get a place in Europe, as the team get to share a brand-new Toyota between them, which I have been assured will not carry any dodgy accelerator parts!  There is also live coverage of the Primary Schools Lunchtime League, the Periodista Liga (featuring the best journalists in Spain), the 7UP Cup with the final infront of three people on the racecourse in Northamptonshire and coverage of the 2012 0ver 40’s European Championship, with qualifiers featuring the best sides in Europe; Liechtenstein, Luxembourg, Andorra, San Marino and Armenia!  Sport One offered to do a new football drama on a fictional football club, starring England legends, but the legends turned it down as they were worried it was going to be the real-life drama of Sky One’s Dream Team (which ran from 1997-2008).

Cricket

At Sports One, they don’t do live cricket, as it is simple too bearable to watch.  So, they show highlights packages every summer of the Umpire Associations Division, again featuring the best teams from England.  They can umpire the game, but can they play it?  The winner of the division at the end of a hard-fought season gets a lifetime supply of bananas from ASDA for their efforts!  There is live coverage however of the Six Balls Cup, as teams aim to make the most of playing cricket in just a single over; the quickest form of cricket around.  Sports One will also follow the England Builders Cricket Association, as they tour the world to play seven tests against Estonia and Georgia this winter!  Let’s see if that entire sleeping and regular coffee break pattern comes into any fruition here!

Golf

Sports One don’t cover golf, because simply they are more interested in sport that actually matters!

Motor Racing

The new concept of motor racing has arrived.  Created and supported by the Daily Express, it’s the Daily Express Counties Cup of Motorsport.  22 counties across England (ranging from Northamptonshire and Nottinghamshire, to Staffordshire and Lancashire) come up against one another, racing on some of the finest go-karting tracks and streets in the country.  The season finale on a gravel pit in the Channel Islands is a must see.  Other prestigious motorsport events are the Tesco Car Park 500, as 501 cars compete for 500 parking spaces, with the one left at the end being declared the winner!  Of course, let’s not forget the British Lawnmowing Championships, as Britain’s best lawnmowers take part in 20 events across the country to find out just who is; Britain’s Best Gardener!

Tennis

Andy Murray had to start somewhere and tennis is thriving at the moment, especially with Wimbledon around the corner.  Sports One will not be covering the SW19 championships, due to its crammed scheduling, so instead, it brings you the Fictional Lookalike Tennis tour, with the likes of Ian Beale, Scary Spice from the Spice Girls and Fabio Capello taking part.  They will do well to beat Mojo the Helper Monkey, who has been ranked no.1 for the past seven years.  Wonder if he got any inspiration from Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer’s dominance of the ATP tour!  Of course, in the Fictional Characters Tennis tour, there are four grand slams; the Butterfinger Open from Springfield, USA (Homer Simpson has won four years running!), the Traffic Jam Open held at Spaghetti Junction, Ice Cream Open, in the land of Ice Creams and the Sauce Open, held in the pleasant countryside of Emmerdale, in the Yorkshire Dales.

Horse Racing

Whilst the Cheltenham Gold Cup, Royal Ascot, The Epsom Derby and the Grand National take the highlights of the horse racing calendar, nothing can beat the football mascot national, which sees all 92 mascots taking part in a series of legendary jumps and chases across the UK.  From Towcester and Yarmouth, to Wolverhampton and Newcastle – which mascot will come out on top and win a lifetime seat on the board at their football club!

OTHER EVENTS

Other events to be screened on Sports One are;

The YouTube Amateur Rugby Union Premiership (The best secondary school rugby around)

The European Tag Rugby Cup, sponsored by Heinz (Winner gets a lifetime supply of Heinz Baked Beans).

The More Fun than Watching Paint Dry World Snooker Championship (The best painters in the world meet every year to see who is good enough at snooker and replace the Dulex dog as its main advertising campaigner.  (The Dulex dog is being knighted for his services to television broadcasting, and his owners have decided to retire him at the top.)

The University Wrestling Festival (Screw the League Tables, The best University students fight it out in the three-day wrestling event to see who really is The Best University in the UK)

The Water Pistol Championships (Target practice is of the essential, just what can you knock out of the hands of your competitors)

So, forget Sky Sports, because if you love your sports, it has to be Sports One.  The new channel is coming soon to Freeview, so you don’t have to miss out!  Enjoy the wild and wacky side of sport!

NOTE: Sports One is a fake sports channel and IS NOT A REAL LIFE channel!

Premiership fixtures released for 2011/12

FOOTBALL fans across the country are beginning to plan ahead for the new domestic season, after the fixture lists in England and Scotland were published at 9am this morning.

     The opening weekend of the 20th Premiership season sees defending champions Manchester United begin their latest title defence with a trip to the Hawthorns to play West Brom.  Manchester rivals City have a home encounter with playoff winners and Premiership deubtants Swansea City.  Both QPR and Norwich City will be happy with their opening encounters.  QPR, in the top flight for the first time since 1996 will entertain Bolton Wanderers at Loftus Road, whilst Norwich have an away trip to Wigan Athletic on their return to playing the big boys.  Jordan Henderson will meet his old club, as Sunderland get to travel to Anfield to face Liverpool.  Last season's runners-up Chelsea begin life after Carlo Ancelotti with a tricky assignment at Stoke City, who are formidable at home.  In two of the more attractive fixtures, Newcastle United come up against Arsenal at St. James Park, in a rerun of February's dramatic 4-4 draw, whilst Tottenham face a juicy match at White Hart Lane against Everton.  To complete the opening lineup on Saturday August 13, Blackburn meet Wolves at Ewood Park and two new managers get to test their creditability against one another at Craven Cottage as Martin Jol's Fulham come face-to-face with Alex McLeish's Aston Villa.

     The first massive fixture of the season is Arsenal v Liverpool on August 20, with Manchester United meeting Tottenham on the same weekend.  A week later, United v Arsenal at Old Trafford stands out.  On the final day of the season, Chelsea host Blackburn, Manchester United head to Sunderland and Swansea finish off at home to Liverpool.  The campaign finishes on Sunday May 13, one week earlier than last season to allow England more time to prepare for the 2012 European Championships in Poland/Ukraine, should Fabio Capello's side qualify of course.

     See below for the Premiership opening day fixtures and dates of some of the crunch encounters in the first half of the season.
NOTE: Some dates will change once ESPN and Sky Sports confirm the first set of live television fixtures, in around a fortnight's time.


2011/12 BARCLAYS PREMIER LEAGUE FIXTURES - OPENING DAY (Saturday 13 August)
Blackburn Rovers v Wolves
Fulham v Aston Villa
Liverpool v Sunderland
Manchester City v Swansea City
Newcastle United v Arsenal
QPR v Bolton Wanderers
Stoke City v Chelsea
Tottenham Hotspur v Everton
West Brom v Manchester United
Wigan Athletic v Norwich City

KEY FIXTURE DATES (August - December)
August 20: Arsenal v Liverpool
August 20: Manchester United v Tottenham Hotspur
August 20: Sunderland v Newcastle United
August 27: Aston Villa v Wolves
August 27: Manchester United v Arsenal
August 27: Tottenham Hotspur v Manchester City

September 17: Manchester United v Chelsea
September 17: Tottenham Hotspur v Liverpool
September 24: Manchester City v Everton

October 1: Everton v Liverpool
October 1: Fulham v QPR
October 1: Tottenham Hotspur v Arsenal
October 15: Liverpool v Manchester United
October 15: West Brom v Wolves
October 22: Manchester United v Manchester City
October 22: Aston Villa v West Brom
October 22: QPR v Chelsea
October 29: Chelsea v Arsenal

November 19: Chelsea v Liverpool
November 26: Liverpool v Manchester City

December 10: Chelsea v Manchester City
December 17: Manchester City v Arsenal
December 20: Tottenham Hotspur v Chelsea
BOXING DAY: Chelsea v Fulham
December 31: Liverpool v Newcastle United

Barclays Premiership season review (Part 2) Club-by-club

West Brom

ROY Hodgson was appointed manager of West Brom in February.  Despite losing 13 out of 16 games between November 1 and February 6, Roberto di Matteo’s dismissal was a gamble by the Albion board.  However, it turned into a shrewd move.  Di Matteo’s inexperience at the top level cost him, whilst the experience Hodgson has at the top level steered West Brom clear of trouble.  He had a point to prove after the Liverpool experience, but he should never have been doubted.  Hodgson was able to provide a perfect balance between attack and defence.  West Brom produced some sterling results during the campaign.  They won at the Emirates, drew at Old Trafford, thrashed Everton 4-1 at Goodison in November and beat Liverpool at home.  Lows included a 6-0 thumping by a rampant Chelsea on the opening weekend and a 3-1 loss at bitter rivals Wolves in May, which ultimately helped keep Wolves in the Premiership.  For once, Albion provided the consistency required staying at the top level, and Roy Hodgson has given them a solid platform for which he can build on next season.

HIGHS: A flying start to the season under Roberto di Matteo and comfortable survival under the guidance of Roy Hodgson

LOWS: A 6-0 thumping at Chelsea on the opening day of the season and a 3-1 reverse at bitter rivals Wolves in May

Newcastle United      

NEWCASTLE United have always had a tendency to provide drama in any previous Premiership campaign, but by their standards, it was a quiet and solid season.  However, they did sack Chris Hughton controversially in December.  Hughton was not being offered a new contract and was ditched, despite lying a comfortable 12^th in the table at the time.  He had steered the club to a 6-0 win over Aston Villa, a memorable 5-1 hammering of rivals Sunderland and a shock victory at the Emirates.  Mike Ashley was criticised for bringing in Alan Pardew, who has struggled at the top level in the past, with both Charlton Athletic and West Ham United.  However, Pardew defined the critics with a debut victory over Liverpool, and Newcastle never looked in any relegation trouble, finishing a comfortable midtable in the league.  Their fans will be disappointed though by being pipped in the league by Sunderland.  Under Pardew, they came from 4-0 down at home to Arsenal and produce the greatest comeback in Premiership history, to earn a 4-4 draw.  Chiock Tiote’s 90^th minute screamer saw the roof almost come off St. James Park. 

Andy Carroll was sold to Liverpool for £35million, so there is money to spend next season and the Magpies supporters will demand that money to be spent wisely and progress to continue.

HIGHS: Coming from 4-0 down to rescue a 4-4 draw with Arsenal and the 5-1 home hammering of Sunderland

LOWS: Sacking Chris Hughton, selling Andy Carroll and being beaten in the final league table by Sunderland

Stoke City                        

IF STOKE fans had been offered a place in the FA Cup final and comfortably in midtable in the Premiership at the start of the season; they will have bitten your hands off!  However, 13^th place is a poor reflection on a side that deserved a top-half finish, certainly more than Aston Villa or Sunderland.  Tony Pulis side never looked in relegation danger, although it took till the middle of April to totally banish those fears.  They did lose their first three games of the season, but then a 2-1 late win against Villa in September was the platform for another amazing campaign.  Robert Huth became a major goalscoring threat, Jonathan Walters was the best player to be signed outside of the top flight and Jermaine Pennant looks revitalised and finally at home, after a career that looked like it was stalling into reverse gear.  Stoke don’t have any world class players, but are a brilliant team unit, who play to their strengths.  That can be seen as an ugly way of playing football, but it is effective and Pulis often has a Plan B of the attractive route, should Plan A not work.  Beating Liverpool and Arsenal at home were the result highs, whilst heavy losses against West Ham and Manchester City were the lows of the campaign.  If Stoke want to break out of the midfield group in the table, they must improve their away form.  Three wins this season on the road (Newcastle, West Brom and Blackburn) is not good enough, and spoils their season.  At the Britannia, only Manchester United, Tottenham and Blackpool won and if anything, it is one of the hardest grounds around to get a positive result for visiting sides.  Steady progress for a likeable club. 

HIGHS: A glorious run to the FA Cup final, reviving Jermaine Pennant's career and impressive home wins over Arsenal and Liverpool

LOWS: General inconsistency, especially on the road, which cost them a better finish

Bolton Wanderers

OWEN Coyle has got Bolton playing his brand of football and now, the Reebok Stadium doesn’t always akin itself to a wrestling match.  Gone are the physical abuse Bolton could give teams, and although still a strength, Coyle has got his style embedded into the squad and it worked for most of the season.  Consequently, 14^th place doesn’t merit their efforts this season, which saw Bolton closer to Europe than a predicted relegation dogfight for the majority of the campaign.  In fact, before the FA Cup semi-final, Bolton looked comfortable in 8^th, so this highlights their loss in confidence and form after the shameful 5-0 battering at the hands of Stoke City at Wembley.  Finally, Johan Elmander looked like a potential goal threat, after a load of underachievement under the previous regime.  However, he has moved onto Galatasaray in the close season.  Coyle’s best signing was the loan acquisition of Daniel Sturridge on deadline day from Chelsea.  Frozen out at Stamford Bridge, Sturridge loved first-team football in Lancashire and scored goals on a regular basis.  I would imagine Bolton will try to do another loan deal for next season, after his impressive form in the second half of the season.  This was an encouraging season for Bolton and despite the final league position, its upwards and onwards for Owen Coyle and the Trotters.

HIGHS: The loan signing of Daniel Sturridge, beating Tottenham 4-2 in November and a more attractive style of football

LOWS: The FA Cup semi-final humiliation at the hands of Stoke, which saw their season never recover afterwards

Blackburn Rovers       

NEW owners for Blackburn, but they already aren’t greatly popular with the fans and a fatal decision nearly ended their decade stay in the Premiership.  The club were sitting a comfortable 11^th when they travelled to Bolton on December 12.  A last-minute Stuart Holden strike gave Bolton a 2-1 triumph and 24 hours later, the Indian new boys sacked Sam Allardyce.  It was a baffling and strange decision, and it angered a lot of people within the game.  The relatively unknown Steve Kean was given the chance to manage the club and initially, things started well.  A league double over West Brom and a handsome 3-1 home success over Liverpool gave Rovers fans a glimmer of new hope.  However, a diabolical run of form after beating West Brom 2-0 on January 23 saw the Lancashire side drop from 7^th to 16^th.  Luckily, a 1-0 win over Bolton at home in late April steadied a very rocky boat.  Nevertheless, it took until the last day for Blackburn’s safety to be confirmed.  They did this with an impressive first half display at Molineux, which had them 3-0 up at half-time, eventually winning 3-2.  This came on the back of a hard-fought 1-1 draw against Manchester United, on the day United clinched their record-breaking championship.  The form of Paul Robinson and the emergence of Junior Hoillett were the positive points of a difficult campaign for Blackburn.  Having sold Phil Jones to Manchester United for £17million, there is money in the bank, so the supporters will be expecting it to be spent wisely or the club will disintegrate in the near future. 

As for Steve Kean, he has a point to prove at the start of next season; to show he really is the right man for the Ewood Park hotseat.

HIGHS: The emergence of Junior Hoillett, Paul Robinson's consistency and a stunning first half display at Molineux on the last day of the seasonLOWS: Sacking Sam Allardyce, the worst decision of the entire season! 

WolvesA STUNNING 87^th minute strike from Stephen Hunt was enough for Wolves to survive in the Premiership by the skin of their teeth.  They still lost 3-2 at Blackburn on the last day, but scored more goals than Birmingham to keep themselves afloat.  It was a character building season for Mick McCarthy, who steered the club to some of its most memorable results in its history, yet witness some shambolic performances elsewhere, particularly on the road (3-0 at Stoke, 4-1 at Newcastle, 3-0 at Blackburn).  They won at Anfield against Liverpool in December and at Molineux, beat the top three fair and square; Manchester City (2-1 in October), Chelsea (1-0 in January) and Manchester United (2-1 in February), as well as a thrilling 3-3 draw with Tottenham in March.  However, their form against the clubs around them was disastrous.  They picked up 0 points against Bolton, Blackburn and Wigan, only 1 against West Ham and 3 collected in the meetings with Blackpool.  Amongst the great were the ugly moments.  Karl Henry’s x-rated challenge on Bobby Zamora, which broke Zamora’s ankle, received widespread criticism in a match with Fulham, as did a similar challenge which saw the quickest dismissal of the season; inside ten minutes in a 2-0 loss at Wigan in October.  Henry can’t play football; it’s as simple as that.  Steven Fletcher was a good buy and scored some crucial goals in the run-in, particularly his memorable double in the 3-1 result against West Brom.  On the final day, Wolves were lucky, but for the results they collected this season against the big boys, they thoroughly deserved their place in the top flight next season.

HIGHS: Beating Liverpool at Anfield and deserved home successes against the top three (Manchester United, Chelsea and Manchester City

LOWS: Poor results against the teams around them and Karl Henry's inability to time a tackle correctly!

Wigan Athletic            

TWO nil down against West Ham in the penultimate game of the season, and it looked like the game was up for Roberto Martinez and Wigan Athletic.  However, they produced a stunning comeback, led by the inspirational Charles N’Zogbia.  The last-minute winner from the Frenchman sent the DW Stadium into raptures and gave the club a fighting chance on the final day of the season.  They followed those heroics with a professional display at Stoke and Hugo Rodallega’s priceless 77^th minute header, which won the game and kept the smallest club in the Premiership for a fanbase, up for a seventh successive season.  Martinez has to be praised for never losing his spirit, especially as they were written on (including me) on several occasions this season.  He wants to play attractive football, which sometimes asks for trouble, especially against the top elite.  However, Wigan had the ability to grind out some priceless results, win ugly or win by playing brilliant and ultimately, that’s why they stayed up and Blackpool didn’t.  After a 0-4 demolition at home against Blackpool on the opening weekend, followed by Chelsea’s 6-0 annihilation the following week, the writing looked on the wall for Wigan.  A week later, Rodallega stole a shock 1-0 win at Tottenham, which in a way, summed up their season – being able to produce some unexpected results.  Two draws against Liverpool and an epic 5-3 triumph over Blackburn in February back this opinion up.  Martinez will find it tough to hold on to his star assets this summer, notably Rodallega, N’Zogbia and Maynor Figueroa.  However, he defied the odds this time around, and don’t be surprised to find Wigan doing it again same time next season.

HIGHS: A sensational final day victory at Stoke which saw the club beat the drop against the odds

LOWS: Kamikaze defending which led to some batterings, particularly at the hands of Blackpool and Chelsea

Birmingham City

ALEX McLeish has resigned and looks set to be appointed as the new boss of Midlands rivals Aston Villa.  To be honest, you can’t blame him.  McLeish clearly has had several disagreements with the board at St. Andrews, so the way he has left the club can’t be seen as surprising, if definitely acrimonious.  Birmingham got a case of Second Season Syndrome, and the club were relegated by a 2-1 loss at Tottenham on the last day of the season.  All this came after their greatest day at Wembley at the end of February.  Obafemi Martins 89^th minute winner snatched the Carling Cup final against the overwhelming favourites, Arsenal.  Afterwards, poor form and a shocking injury list took its toll on the Blues, who only won two of their last 11 Premiership games.  Ultimately, it is the players who need to take the blame.  Once Scott Dann got injured in January, Birmingham’s previously steady backline looked shaky for the reminder of the campaign.  In midfield, Sebastian Larsson had a poor season, while Jean Beausejour failed to shine on his impressive World Cup form he showed with Chile.  Nikola Zigic might have scored in the Carling Cup final, but was a real letdown and Birmingham simply didn’t score enough goals.  My advice to teams for next season, DON’T WIN THE CARLING CUP!  Birmingham certainly have the quality to bounce straight back up and can look forward to playing in the UEFA Europa League this season.  However, I bet they’d swap it all for another season in the Premiership.  It was a sorry tale of dismay in the Blue half of the Midlands.

HIGHS: Winning the Carling Cup final

LOWS: Winning the Carling Cup final

Blackpool 

BLACKPOOL may have dropped straight back into the Championship, but they won many fans throughout their epic journey this season and the club will be missed in the Premiership next season.  Ian Holloway offered colour, charisma and panache on the touchline, and his post and pre-match press conferences were always a joy to listen to.  Holloway has a strong opinion on almost any topic in the game and is the perfect interviewee for any budding sports journalist out there.  Whether he will stay at Blackpool remains to be seen; I hope he does.  Like Roberto Martinez, Holloway opted to play the attractive football route and refused to back down after a negative display which saw them overwhelmed 4-0 at Chelsea in September.  However, it ultimately was to be their downfall.  Blackpool could only win matches playing attractively, not ugly and having the worst defensive record in the Premiership didn’t help.  The fans will never forget a league double over Liverpool, an impressive 3-1 win over Tottenham and stunning away victories at Wigan, Newcastle and Sunderland.  However, their inability to hold onto leading positions, throwing away 2-0 leads against Manchester United, Bolton and Blackburn during the campaign ultimately cost them.  Charlie Adam was the Tangerines star player and I’d expect him to be in the Premiership next season, with Liverpool and Tottenham favourites for his signature.  Although it ended with the crushing low of relegation, Blackpool fans shouldn’t be too downhearted.  It was a journey their supporters will never forget.

HIGHS: Ian Holloway, Charlie Adam, more Ian Holloway, their supporters, beating Liverpool (TWICE!) and Ian Holloway

LOWS: The worst defensive record in the Premiership, which turned out to be very costly.

West Ham United

UPTON Park looked more like a pantomime performance at the London Palladium this season.  David Sullivan, David Gold and Karen Brady have come in to run the club, and have turned it into the new ‘Newcastle,’ i.e.; the laughing stock of English football.  After crushing Gianfranco Zola’s morale, they’ve now ruined Avram Grant’s reputation and treated him very unprofessionally.  Grant was sacked after relegation was confirmed, and although he kept his dignity throughout a nightmare experience, I bet he has been scarred forever by the haunting campaign at Upton Park.  After a 3-0 loss at home to Arsenal in January, Grant threw his claret scarf into the crowd, which suggested he had been fired.  However, Martin O’Neill turned his back on the job and Avram was given a stay of execution.  Not even a run to the Carling Cup semi-finals, FA Cup quarter-finals, the return from injury for Thomas Hitzlsperger and the incredible form of Scott Parker could prevent the inevitable happening for the Hammers.  They were bottom at Christmas and bottom at the end of the season.  Brady got into a slanging match over the sexism Sky Sports row in January, which didn’t help matters within harmony in the board.  The loan signings of Robbie Keane and Wayne Bridge turned into absolutely disastrous deals.  Sam Allardyce has taken over the reins, and he will do well to keep his patience with an impatient board behind him.  It is a poisoned chalice at Upton Park.  Of course, I feel sorry for the fans, but ultimately, West Ham got what they deserved this season and they won’t be missed in the top flight next season.

HIGHS: None

LOWS: Everything